All my thoughts.

2008-06-03T22:38:00.001-06:00

Without love there is no hope at all.
Everyone is looking for love and acceptance.
Be loving and kind and be hope.

Thankful Thursday

2008-05-29T23:22:00.005-06:00

2008-05-28T13:13:00.002-06:00

It is official!!
We have decided....
I am so excited I can hardly contain my childlike energy...
We are going...
Nothing left but the packing and the ticket purchases...
well and a few other little details...but we are going!!!! WOOHOO
Still a secret though so shhhhhhhhhhhhhh...

Thirty....YEAH RIGHT!!

2008-05-26T20:47:00.010-06:00

O.K. So the 15th was my 30th birthday and I am ok with that.
But I must evaluate who I am and if I am happy with this life so far..
A wife for 13years..rough at times and rocky at others to say the least but I am truly happy and am a rare breed of happily married folks..not the statistic that so many said we would be..divorced and unhappy..not us..breaking curses of abuse to one anouther, hatred and war in a home that is supposed to be peaceful..I have seen it so many times in my very own family, but not in my home anymore..we have learned to talk it out, walk away, and say I am sorry. Put the other before ourself and serve..
A mom..there is nothing more difficult...and nothing so rewarding...she is so beautiful in everyway. from the inside out. Full of hope and joy and LOVE. But I often feel like I am forging this parenting on my own. Not able to rely on anything that I think I know especially in the beginning. Angry for no reason..seeing myself in her but only my so called flaws..there has been so much the Father has had to do in me but now I look at her with a love that is straight from heaven...
My son loves life and leaping...he is great and I can feel his struggle with his self and his spirit..it is daily..so close to my own that I know how to help him..most of the time..he is so gifted and loving I can barely wait to see what he does as he ages inspite of himself...
A giver am I...majoring in hospitality and love. To those deserving and undeserving. I want them all to know Jesus..forget my name and remember His...
There is something there behind those eyes...love joy compassion peace and
a contentment that only comes with time..and getting to know who I am even in weak moments
A serious one about the things I value..and those I love

Dramatic to prove a point...
I love to tell things in story form...almost parables..always aware that moments are just that moments that pass and are gone...but I have learned how to cherish them when they happen and look for the next ones..but almost with a prophetic knowing as I seem to have this been there done that feeling so often...
I don't believe the lies that try to infaltrate my mind reminding me of the past of an ugly girl with frizzy hair and thin frame..
I know who I am and I am 30 and happy. molded and shaped by a Holy Spirit that loves me and I can't wait to see what happens in the next few years..

Memorial Day FUN

2008-05-26T20:30:00.010-06:00

Ok what is the deal mom?? First you make us get dressed and out...packed a few snacks..what is going on?

What is that?? That is a Mazey, named after Amazing Grace and my friend Laura. She is going to teach you a little about riding. COOL MOM!!
Brush...get familiar...ok not so bad..

Tori is a natural..no saddle..big smile for the crowd and she is doing great!!
Well if sis can do it I can do it....

O.k. wait a minute hang on to what?? Won't that hurt her?

SHE IS SO TALL!!!

O Guide her o.k.....

What a day we had they learned so much and had so much fun:)
I am the king of good family fun...the king (sigh) hehe

Happy Memorial Day!!

shoes?!?!

2007-08-03T22:00:00.000-06:00

O.k so we have gotten all the books and all the supplies and we even have uniforms.....but the quest for the shoes turned out to truly be exhausting..

There were plenty but not necessarily ones that fit...or they only carried full sizes instead of half sizes..which she was totally willing to make an exception for the if they had a heal...ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!...and I keep looking at the tiny baby shoes that fit in the palm of my hand, longing for the day when those were the need..

Although I am so excited about today I can't help but miss yesterday, and tomorrow we will be picking out her wedding shoes...Lord help me remember the details and enjoys the moments however brief.

2007-07-30T21:55:00.000-06:00

Change...what a crazy concept...or more so the idea that there is a plateau in life where things do not change!

There is a season for everything but there is always a change that takes place...
If a butterflies wings get crushed is she excluded from the possibilities that laid before her in a prior season? Or is she just learning how to ride the waves and drifts so she can truly be who she was designed to be?

Faithful

2007-07-30T19:13:00.000-06:00

When did they get so big?

So smart?

My legacy and my motive for every breath.

He wants to play the drums she wants to do ballet.

I just want to hold them and stop time to keep them near me.

God is so faithful, He keeps them and honors them with His love.

As we embark on anouther school year I find that I am looking at them a little longer, wishing for yesterday when they were born, but knowing they must fly.

Torn by there questions of how and why consitintly seeking truth so as to feed it to them.

And tomorrow they will be grown needing finances for college and God will be faithful then to.

Grow babies grow.......just not to fast")

His Hands

2007-04-01T21:33:00.000-06:00

5 But he was pierced for our rebellion,

crushed for our sins.

He was beaten so we could be whole.

He was whipped so we could be healed.

16 Dogs have surrounded me;

a band of evil men has encircled me,

they have pierced [b] my hands and my feet.

How cruel that they pierced him...that they broke through his skin and crushed his nerves, that they did all the things that they did to him.

My focus today is the garden..Jesus knew that he was going to have to suffer..

I have to many areas that hurt me today..areas that are attached to people that I can't seem to help..grief that weighs heavy on me. The type of grief that hurts and weighs so much on my chest that I think about Him in the garden crying out the the Father to let this cup pass from Him and I think about the disciples and how they were weighed with grief that they couldn't bare it and just slept to get through, the drops of blood He sweated and the anguish that He felt all for me and for you..and although they came and pierced His hands and His feet He endured so that I could use my hands and feet because the enemy pierced Him but becasue he did he can't pierce me and I can use my hands to slap the enemy in the face as I love and do what I am called to do in the name of my Jesus. And although I am full with grief I know He felt it all and that He bore it for me and I can have peace in the midst of my inability to help them becasue what Jesus did was enough for me and for them.

You are my shield

my stregnth, my fortress, deliverer

my shelter, strong tower, my very present help in time of need...

The Brain

2007-03-19T20:12:00.000-06:00

The Brain is a wonderful and amazing center for all things that govern the activity for the body.

But what happens when there is a mass, a tumor, a cyst...pressing on vital nerves.

There are many symptoms and many functions that are affected and not functioning.

Today was a bad day..today I made her cry...how much more can she take...she said today she went outside but had to run in feeling out of place..I told her all she had to do was survive and she said she didn't think she could...the brain is affected..the vital nerves being pushed on..or is it in anouther part of the brain where there are chemicals? What is going on...and will she make it through..she is sad, she is tired, she feels lost and defeated...anouther part of the brain..

Hang in there, break through, see clearly. Wisdom be near me, help me.

God of wonder and perfection deliverence and strength be with her in her need and set her free. Free from imbalanced chemicals, suicidal thoughts, her lost condition. Walk down the hall to the place where she sleeps touch her soul and set her free from the accusing voices with in. Set the captive free please Father please.

it is not time

2007-03-16T20:33:00.000-06:00

You are not supposed to go
not now, not today
why would you end it all
and throw your choices away?

what happened? when did you break?
and come so close to causing so much heartache?

Why are you sick
and will it get better
is it cancer or is it safe

Can they operate and take it away
does it matter to you or would you rather it stayed?

how do i communicate
fear is ever present
God is my source
and I need His strength
but what can be done about ones mental state?

Is He big enough and will it matter
if the choices are still left so scattered?

Free will that is one I don't quite understand
please Lord heal her soul and help her stand.

Don't let her quit and throw it all away
I need her still to this very day.

My Baby Sis

2007-03-08T21:07:00.000-06:00

My Beautiful Baby Sister is COMING!!!
She is going to be here on the 27th and no end in site to her leaving!!
She is a Colorado girl in desperate need for her family and I cannot wait for her to come and bring her joy our way!
Love you sissy!

Beauty

2007-03-06T21:16:00.000-06:00

She is going to be beautiful

She will be perfect in every way

She will be the long awaited gift that only the King can give...

Grow baby grow...Can't wait to meet you.

Mission

2007-03-04T17:40:00.000-06:00

I have been to see my beloved Angi and came back with a .....

Mission??? (Bond Girl)
MISSION:
an assigned or self-imposed duty or task; calling; vocation.
17.
a sending or being sent for some duty or purpose.
18.
those sent.

A mission...something I must do... work my business for the health and well being of a purpose that seems so far gone...but it is not with out fear of failure and another fall...but love trumps my fear...so I will work and set another goal...and let the chips land where they may as I give it my very best effort in March...

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."

Joshua 1:9

going going gone

2007-03-02T16:47:00.000-06:00

That's it
No more
I've had enough!!!
We are headed down to see my very best friend and mentor and we will not be back until we feel better (well by Monday anyway)....
To many crazy events
to much rain
so we are going going GONE!!

The Twist

2007-03-01T12:38:00.000-06:00

Well I would like to say that this is the type of twist we are watching out for today...but it is not.

We are projected to have some twister weather that has brought my babies home to me so I am going to wash the dog and get a jump on some of Tori's homework. I don't mind so much, any moments extra that I can squeeze out of the day to be with them is a good day regardless of the weather.

Happy

2007-02-27T20:25:00.000-06:00

Then the LORD God provided a vine and made it grow up over Jonah to give shade for his head to ease his discomfort, and Jonah was very happy about the vine.Jonah 4:5-7 (in Context) Jonah 4 (Whole Chapter)

Life is under control...and my family is happy. Is there much else to need in life?..maybe but not today.

BE Still

2007-02-26T20:48:00.000-06:00

Psalm 46
For the director of music. Of the Sons of Korah. According to Alamoth. A song. [a]

1 God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.
2 Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
3 though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging.

4 There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy place where the Most High dwells.
5 God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day.
6 Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall; he lifts his voice, the earth melts.
7 The LORD Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress.

8 Come and see the works of the LORD, the desolations he has brought on the earth.
9 He makes wars cease to the ends of the earth; he breaks the bow and shatters the spear, he burns the shields [b] with fire.
10 "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
11 The LORD Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress.

There is nothing to hard for you Father. O How I love you.

Dreams

2007-02-23T19:10:00.000-06:00

A series of images, ideas, emotions, and sensations occurring involuntarily in the mind during certain stages of sleep.

O.k so a dream is a series of images....but what determines there purpose or where they come from? Do they come from images that were put in...in combination with thoughts that you already have..do they have any meaning at all or do they just linger through out the day as a distraction?

I know in my youth if I watched images that were voilent then I would dream things that were violent and sometimes not that night but at a later date.

And what about tempature and body position? Do they play a role in the dreaming process? Seem to for me...

How do you determine what it all means without tipping over into a place of phsycics and horoscopes...?

hmmm

Crying To dream that you are crying, signifies a release of negative emotions that is more likely caused by some waking situation rather than the events of the dream itself. Your dream is a way to regain some emotional balance and a way to safely let out your fears and frustrations. In our daily lives, we tend to ignore, deny, or repress our feelings. But in our dream state, our defense mechanisms are no longer on guard and thus allow for the release of such emotions.�

Fighting To dream that you participate in a fight, indicates inner turmoil. Some aspect of yourself is in conflict with another aspect of yourself. Perhaps an unresolved or unacknowledged part is fighting for its right to be heard.� It may also parallel a fight or struggle that you are going through in your waking life.

Friend To see your friends in your dream, signifies aspects of your personality that you have rejected, but are ready to integrate these rejected part of yourself. The relationships you have with those around you are important in learning about yourself. Additionally, this symbol foretells of happy tidings from them and the arrival of good news.

Pregnant To dream that you are pregnant, symbolizes an aspect of yourself or some aspect of your personal life that is growing and developing. You may not be ready to talk about it or act on it.� This may also represent the birth of a new idea, direction, project or goal.

All in a nights sleep.....ZZZZZZ ZZZZZZZ

Surgery Not for the weak

2007-02-19T20:28:00.000-06:00

1 surgery+20 staples+2rods+4screws+1bone fuser=

a man with integrity and strength that gives me courage.

Release

2007-01-10T22:41:00.000-06:00

Release "to let go"

a freeing or releasing from confinement, obligation, pain, emotional strain, etc
the releasing of something for publication, performance, use, exhibition, or sale.

Why can't I let go....Why can't I turn away and say goodbye...what am I supposed to be doing?

I can't seem to write the next page... I can't let go of the past, most of it I can let go but not all.

I can't leave, I am bound. Never satisfied with the way it is.

Time to reinvent..perfect and strengthen that which remains, mend an ever broken heart..but how? I won't let them in..they will go away to..breath

I have just about had all I can stand, the distance, the gap, the ache.

I have to get busy...that will pass the time and write a new page.

Pain is the catalyst that won't let me forget the connection..the reason why I started this to begin with...pain is no friend of mine, but I endure the pain for the moments...the few moments that used to be hours and days, that were so grossly taken for granted.

I am not lost, not without purpose, not without a mentor, just in transition, a season of pain.

"Frame your world with your words" I remember them all..all of the words, pearls.

Release me pain so I can get busy about the Father's work and be free and secure.

My Angi

2007-01-08T23:19:00.000-06:00

- Get Your Own

Who is she?
What is she doing?

My friend, teacher, hero, and a grandma....
CONGRATULATIONS!!! Angi anouther life to chnage and mold with your wisdom and unending love.

My Guys

2007-01-08T23:08:00.000-06:00

| View Show | Create Your Own

How do I love thee!

Goodbye

2006-12-31T01:03:00.000-06:00

Goodbye Dorthy Klenc..

great grandmother

native of California

survived by her children

her grandchildren

great grandchildren

and great great grandchildren

Lost

2006-12-04T22:05:00.000-06:00

Superchic[k] - Stand In The RainFrom the album Beauty From Pain 1.1
She never slows down
She doesn’t know why But she knows that when she’s all alone
It feels like it’s all coming down
She won’t turn aroundThe shadows are longAnd she fears if she cries that first tearThe tears will not stop raining down
Chorus:So stand in the rainStand your groundStand up when it’s all crashing down
You stand through the painYou won’t drown
And one day what’s lost can be found
You stand in the rain
She won’t make a soundAlone in this fight with herself
And the fear’s whisperingIf she stands, she’ll fall down
She wants to be foundThe only way out is through everythingShe’s running from
Wants to give up and lie down

One day whats lost can be found...stand in the rain stand your ground...

Courage

2006-12-03T21:07:00.000-06:00

Courage
noun
a quality of spirit that enables you to face danger or pain without showing fear

A quality of spirit...a choice to do and be inspite of pain... that comes from with in..coming from the Father...but still requiring a choice...

24Be strong and let your heart take courage, all you who wait for and hope for and expect the Lord!
Take Courage O my soul that I might soar with thee...in the land of the biggest dreams..

Beauty

2006-12-02T23:16:00.000-06:00

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder...
Or how about the in the sweat of your brow...
And the work of your hands..
Beauty is laying your head down at the end of the day tired and only having to take 3 deep breaths to enter into that wonderful place of sleep.
Thank you Father that I can work...and sleep")

To be Seen

2006-12-01T16:19:00.000-06:00

EL ROI: "God of Seeing" Hagar in Gen. 16:13. The God Who opens our eyes.

The God who sees me...was the quote that Hagar used..it was the only time this name was called out in the bible in this manner..she was found in the desert in need and she knew that God could see her..to be seen is humbling..by a God of magnitude and purportion that noone can measure...sees me?
Did she come up with this name on her own?
Where did it come from and how did it find it's place in the book of all books?
What does it mean to be seen by God?
Mistakes and succesess...and still be valued...
The God who opens our eyes...to see...what would you have me see today Father...someone hurting, someone broken, the nearing end, the eternal outcome of our choices...wisdom be ever near I pray..

2006-12-01T14:09:00.000-06:00

Words of Wisdom From Mary Kay Ash
We have long advocated that, when you set a goal, you first use mental imagery in seeing yourself in possession of that goal. Get a picture of what you wish to possess and keep it ever before you. One day your wish will become a reality. I once saw a poster on which was pictured a cocoon, a worm and a butterfly. Under the picture was the caption, "Choose -- it's the same life!" Which will you be? A worm, a cocoon or one of those butterflies flying to the top? Thinking makes it so! (From My Heart to Yours, Page 42)

The most incredible thing about being in sync with the Holy Spirit is that He never lets you down...Ever since I have moved away from "home" I have felt this nudge to "fly"... scariest thing to even consider much less begining the running and jumping and though my knees are still sore from the last fall I can't help but feel the wind call to me again and I can hear the Father's voice call me again saying "come up here child come up here" so off I go again knowing that with each step there is the oppurtunity to fall but there is also the oppurtunity to SOAR. The beauty in it all is that I know that you are with me, and though I can't figure it all out I am begining to be comforted by leaning not on my understanding but in all my ways acknowledge you and You will make my path straight. I long for a road that is straight, one that leads me to the freedom that I want to fly.

Butterfly Affect

2006-11-30T17:43:00.000-06:00

The butterfly effect is a phrase that encapsulates the more technical notion of sensitive dependence on initial conditions in chaos theory. Small variations of the initial condition of a dynamical system may produce large variations in the long term behavior of the system. This is sometimes presented as esoteric behavior, but can be exhibited by very simple systems: for example, a ball placed at the crest of a hill might roll into any of several valleys depending on slight differences in initial position.
The phrase refers to the idea that a butterfly's wings might create tiny changes in the atmosphere that ultimately cause a tornado to appear (or, for that matter, prevent a tornado from appearing). The flapping wing represents a small change in the initial condition of the system, which causes a chain of events leading to large-scale phenomena. Had the butterfly not flapped its wings, the trajectory of the system might have been vastly different.
Recurrence, the approximate return of a system towards its initial conditions, together with the sensitive dependence on initial conditions are the two main ingredients for chaotic motion. They have the practical consequence of making complex systems, such as the weather, difficult to predict past a certain time range (approximately a week in the case of weather).

I have long become obsessed with butterflies. Not so much the insect itself but the significance that they have and how they are part of a design by a Master Creator with such importance. Only a creator who is all wise could think in a manner that is so complex to know that the wings of a butterfly can affect so much. Much can be learned from this creature...it's ability to be so consistent in its purpose and function..and have such powerful effects for change...what about me Father what would you have this butterfly do? Our trouble is not so much wanting to affect and make change but the ability to stay focused and work on purpose for an extended period of time, that is the challenge. Bordem sets in and purpose is lost..Focus is the most valuable asset one can obtain. A skill that we must master yet comes so easily to the other creatures of the earth..even the ants...what am I doing..and why and when it is all over will it have mattered..hmmm to many thoughts.

Still

2006-11-30T12:37:00.000-06:00

To be still is to be dead. That is my thought for the day. It explains the amazing hussle and bussle of souls through out this land of freedom. It is the fastest way to bring all your dreams and work to a screeching halt. I am the biggest fan of rest and relaxation but don't stop...tell him you love him, hold them just a moment longer, say your sorry and for goodness sake shut that t.v. off. Call them, breath life and open up even if it is just a little. WORK WORK WORK and never give into the fear that you are not good enough. You are and they need you to be so they can to. With every movement you are affecting change..all the way down the generational line, things you can see and things you will never see. But trust the movement let it comfort you and give you a foundation to move on. Whatever you do just keep moving..even when you can't see a way out, or it hurts so much to even breath, when it begins to rain and doesn't stop, keep moving. When you can't find a reason why do it anyway because to be still is to be dead.